Richard J. Chandler

Composer for Performing Musicians

Relationships Communication: Go From Arguing to Connecting

Take Two+ Tuesday
A Quote, a Thought + an Enriching Link

“It is very easy to overestimate the importance of our own achievements in comparison with what we owe others.”  – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Lutheran pastor, theologian, and anti-Nazi dissident who was killed by the Nazis for helping Jews escape to Switzerland  More quotes by Bonhoeffer here on our website:

Relationships Communication: Go From Arguing to Connecting

Q: What would you guess is the most common reason wives, husbands, engaged, or other romantic partners have given for seeking couples therapy?
A: Help with their communication.

As a Marriage Therapist, couples have told me that poor communication with their partner brought them into counseling; this is what they want most to improve. But how? Although communication tools help, couples do best by first understanding and then communicating from their spouse’s perspective, even more than their own point of view.

Harmonious couples often pause before speaking to their romantic partner. By tuning into their loved ones first, they avoid arguing. Instead, their more thoughtful words strengthen, deepen and enhance their love connection.

Steps to Relationships Communication Success:

  1. Get clear on your perspective with a given situation that you want to share with your partner, but hold off sharing it.
  2. Value your long-term love relationship more than your desire to prove your point, have your way, or win an argument.
  3. Tune into your partner. What do you know about them that tells you their perspective could be different than yours?
  4. Plan your conversation timing, setting, and words so your mate’s unique perspective can be met, honored, and respected.

This relationships communication process, combined with optimal ways of communicating, can dramatically enhance your connection to your boyfriend, girlfriend, or romantic partner. More on how to tune into your partner’s perspectives here:

+ An Artistic Link: