Richard J. Chandler

Composer for Performing Musicians

Is it Fair to Obligate Listeners to Absorb Another’s Anger in Service to the Venting Person?

Take Two+ Tuesday
A Quote, a Thought + an Enriching Link


“We find our energies are actually cramped when we are overanxious to succeed.”

    – Michel de Montaigne  (1533-1592)  More Quotes by Michel de Montaigne here


Often you hear something along these lines: “Just vent and get it out when you’re mad.” And many people do just that, temporarily feeling better but leaving those around them feeling worse. Is it fair to obligate listeners to absorb another’s anger in service to the venting person?

For the person expressing their anger, repetition of having outbursts, often with yelling or threatening acts, results in normalizing angry outbursts over time.

In answering whether getting mad can be OK, it seems that a controlled expression of anger can make sense when someone has disregarded known boundaries.

Without some controlled expression of anger, the person who has crossed your boundaries may not believe you are serious about defending your values, limits, and known boundaries.

     - Richard

Click this link for the full article from my RelationshipsCommunication website that expands these ideas and discusses addiction’s role in anger.

Artistic Link:

This extraordinary live performance of Igor Stravinsky’s ”Le Sacre du Printemps – Rite of Spring” features incredible dancing by men and horses from the Theatre Zingaro Dancers with the Paris Orchestra led by Pierre Boulez. Well worth listening to and watching! I’ve viewed it numerous times and each time was totally captivated.